optimisticpsychologist.com

Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman starred in the 2007 film The Bucket List that was directed by Rob Reiner. Simple plot: mechanic meets billionaire in the intensive care unit of a hospital – both diagnosed with terminal cancer. They create a “bucket list” of activities they want to experience before they die. Examples: skydiving, tattoos, see the pyramids, visit the Taj Mahal, and go on safari.

So, the obvious question is what is on your bucket list? Sky diving? White water rafting. A sunset over a particular body of water? Visit a particular town or country?

New research has actually found that experiences are more important to happiness than buying material possessions. The research was published in the January edition of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology by Cornell psychology professor Tom Gilovich. The research indicates that our memories are a much more essential component to our emotional well being than our purchases. This indicates that while money can’t buy you happiness, money spent on experiential purchases perhaps can. Spending money on material goods only brings short-term happiness, while experiences provide greater satisfaction long term. We retain the fond memories of our experiences in our head and heart, and in fact, they become even more valuable with time.

In the movie, one needs to be very wealthy to partake in those bucket list experiences. But money does not have to be the determining factor. Time, commitments, fear – there is a laundry list of potential reasons and excuses to stay home. But, with creativity, commitment, and courage, we can all begin taking on our own bucket list.

Try it – it will make a significant contribution to your happiness quotient.

Questions
What have you always wanted to experience in life? Why not so far?
Where have you always wanted to travel? When is it scheduled?
If not now, when?

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do, than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Mark Twain

Years ago psychologists started to understand the power of self-talk, the ongoing internal conversations we have with ourselves (no, it does not mean that you are schizophrenic*).

Positive self-talk generates positive self-esteem and positive results. Negative self-talk generates the opposite.

You can easily tell the people that have consistent positive self-talk. They always appear to have a smile on their face, laugher on their lips, and love in their hearts.

Unfortunately, there are some people that cannot break the cycle of negativity. They are seen as sad, critical, naysayers, and cynical. Not much fun to be around on a regular basis.

While we all have negative thoughts, it is the capacity and discipline to turn our inner conversation and internal dialogue to positive thoughts. The result is to be happier, upbeat, energized and optimistic.

Questions

• What do you do to focus your internal dialogue on a positive outcome?
• What activities help you reframe your thinking to being positive?

“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.”
Ralph Charell

* Best bumper sticker I ever saw: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I?”

Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Vietnamese Buddhist monk, shares some profound ideas about optimism. Hanh says, “Happiness is the cessation of suffering. Therefore, happiness and suffering support each other.” Whoa! This from the man who has been called “the happiest man on earth.”

Here is an example that Hanh uses to show his point: to really experience the feeling of having a full stomach, you need to know what it is like to be hungry. If you only experienced satiation, you would never know when to eat and appreciate food. Hunger helps you understand your needs and gratitude for having food.

This is a similar concept that comes from Genesis: darkness was created before light so that we could understand and appreciate lightness. None of us go through life without disappointment. By learning how to deal with disappointment, we can really appreciate the good times.

To be optimistic, you must also understand the opposing view, and try to find contentment in it when it is happening.

So the next time you acknowledge that you are feeling down, remember that you are actually on the road to feeling better.

You can also try to practice meditation, focusing only on your breath. Take Hanh’s recommendation for meditating…

“Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.”

Questions

• What causes you to suffer and to experience pain?
• What do you do when you are experiencing distress?
• How can you comfort your own pain and use it to experience joy?

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.”

Woody Allen

In meeting with a prospective client recently, he asked the question “What is the relationship between money and happiness?” The question was asked as we were discussing the potential promotion of several managers and a subsequent increase in their responsibilities and compensation. He was curious of whether the relationship was predictive: more money, more happiness.

Most research indicates that the relationship between money and happiness is not linear. Just because someone might have a great deal of money, there is no guarantee that they will be happy. Plus, the opposite is not true either: more happiness does not cause anyone to have more money. Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Vietnamese Buddhist monk, lives an incredibly frugal life. He is often described as the happiest man on earth.

Dr. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard University psychologist and author of “Stumbling on Happiness”, says that “psychologists have spent decades studying the relation between wealth and happiness and they have generally concluded that wealth increases human happiness when it lifts people out of abject poverty and into the middle class but that it does little to increase happiness thereafter.”

Thus, it seems like happiness and money can be examined in a 2×2 matrix (what would consultants do without a 2×2 matrix?)

Happiness is variable 1 – on the vertical axis. Money, variable 2, is on the vertical axis. : Life circumstances can certainly impact your current situation.

• Unfortunately, millions live in poverty for decades and are understandably challenged to find happiness
• High wealth may look attractive, but money can’t buy you happiness (according to the Beatles, “money can’t buy you love” either)
• Millions of people have achieved happiness and contentment with only their basic needs met (e.g. Thich Nhat Hanh)
• If both are high, a gift and blessing if appreciated and accompanied by gratitude

Questions

• Where would you place yourself on this continuum?
• What brings you true happiness?
• What do you do to express your gratitude?

“Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have.”

Rabbi Hyman Schachtel

John Wooden, the remarkable basketball coach, passed away on June 4^th at the age of 99. Much has been written about his legendary basketball knowledge and accomplishments:

• 10 NCAA basketball championships during a 12 year span
• Voted the best coach of all-time for any sport
• 4 undefeated seasons of 30-0
• 19 conference championships

But he is being remembered more for his lessons about life than coaching prowess. He lived by a Seven Point Creed that was given to him by his father upon graduation from grammar school:

• Be true to yourself
• Make each day your masterpiece
• Help others
• Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible
• Make friendship a fine art
• Build a shelter against a rainy day
• Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day

Basketball practices at UCLA were always over at 5:30. Why? He wanted to be home to have dinner with his family. That is aligning one’s values with behavior.

Over a 14 year time period, he developed the Pyramid of Success, 25 behaviors he believed were necessary to achieve success. He completed the pyramid in 1948, well before the basketball championships at UCLA.

Questions

• What is your definition of success?
• What constitutes your “pyramid” of core values?
• Are you focused on accomplishments on the “court at work” or in the “court of life?”

“Learn as if you were to live forever: Live as if you were to die tomorrow.”

John Wooden